For anestel because you asked, and ilu ~<3 (Plus you finished your papers- WOOT!)
Special thanks to aoishinjitsu and dark_n_silence for beta'ing because I just didn't have the heart to. MWAH!
Donghae crawled into the back of the van and collapsed against the faux leather seating. The cold fabric stuck to his sweaty skin as he tried to find a comfortable position for the inevitable long ride home. But for now, Donghae was at last alone. He had worked hard to find this moment for himself. Somehow, against all odds, he had managed to slip away while the others had gone back to their dressing rooms to change and wipe away all the sweat and caked on stage makeup that was the curse of their chosen profession.
Immediately following their performance, Donghae had jumped off the stage and grabbed a towel, wiping at his face haphazardly, weaving his way through the throng of people that always awaited them off stage. Somehow he had made it here. He figured it was fate finally smiling on him for a change. Because damn if the fates hadn’t been using up every ounce of his good graces lately. Donghae sighed and allowed this moment of solitude to wash up over him.
It was in this small moment of rest that Donghae dropped his façade and allowed the day’s weariness to show. A never ending stream of interviews, endless photographs, a myriad of faces and names, followed by endless rehearsals made a jumble of Donghae’s mind. He closed his eyes and the flashing lights of that night’s performance still danced behind them. His temples had begun to throb at about 3pm and it was now almost 3am, the pain had only intensified with each pounding note and each coordinated dance step.
Donghae, normally the picture and poster child of vitality, was just plain worn out. He had reached that wit’s end that people always talked about. He had nothing left inside him to give, not one ounce of anything left. He slumped down in his seat and allowed the thoughts to come, the ones that questioned his decision to trade in a life of normality and anonymity for the one he was currently living. He had thought it his dream, but tonight he found it just an exhausting nightmare.
Donghae felt tears welling up at the corner of his eyes, his deep fatigue and emotional exhaustion overwhelming all of his senses, culminating in a deep down bone weariness to which his body’s only natural reaction was tears.
Just as the first tear drop made its way down his cheek, the seat next to him creaked and groaned under the weight of another human being. Donghae felt a set of fingers brush his cheek and he opened his eyes. He had thought he would be alone, he was almost certain that no one had followed him during his hasty retreat from backstage…almost….
Donghae’s hand flew up to grab at the one that had touched his cheek so gently, and he sat up straighter, attempting to throw on a smile and find some source of energy inside himself with which to put a sparkle in his eyes; however, there was nothing left. So, the eyes that he turned upwards were just eyes: dull, brown and weary.
“Hey.” A soft warm voice sounded in his head.
“Hey,” he found himself answering back.
Donghae’s plain brown eyes met another set. This set was the color of a good whiskey, and there was a kindness to them that allowed the tension set so deeply in Donghae’s shoulders to ease just a little. A long sigh escaped his lips and another tear managed to break through Donghae’s hastily erected façade to trail down his face, mixing with the sweat trails that had already marred his face from tonight’s long events.
The hand followed the tear down Donghae’s cheek and caught it upon his chin, lifting it from his skin and bringing it to the owner’s mouth. Kyuhyun tasted the salt of Donghae’s tears and sweat as he sat and watched his lover. Kyu’s heart flipped over at the sight before him. He sat and watched as his lover attempted to hide his emotions behind some weakly built wall.
“Don’t…” Kyuhyun reached out and took Donghae’s hand in his.
“Don’t what?” Donghae responded.
“Don’t try and hide from me. Allow me in, allow me to share this with you.” Kyuhyun smiled softly and used his other hand to reach out to the elder member and pull him into a loose embrace.
“I don’t kno-“ Donghae attempted to reply, before his body just shut down and more tears began to fall. Donghae couldn’t quite say why he was crying, but he was and there was no way to stop it.
“Shhh.. Shhhh… There, there, now.” Kyuhyun rubbed Donghae’s back as his body was taken over by his tears.
When the majority of his tears had been spent, Donghae lay in his lover’s embrace, his wet face nuzzled into Kyuhyun’s chest. Donghae inhaled deeply then, and the most comforting smell he had come to know filled his senses. A peace stole over Donghae, and his mind stopped racing for just a moment. He stopped crying and sat very still in Kyu’s embrace, concentrating solely on the arms around him.
These arms had come to be his solace from the world around him. In these arms, Donghae found that he could truly be himself. Kyuhyun didn’t care about the masks that Donghae wore, he didn’t care about whether Donghae’s skin was perfect, or his smile just right. Kyuhyun saw into the heart of Donghae and it was that person that Kyuhyun had offered his love to.
Only two weeks ago, Donghae lay spent on top of Kyuhyun, his breath coming out in unsteady gulps of air. Only two weeks ago, Kyuhyun had breathed out his love for Donghae in a moment of passion. Donghae wouldn’t have given it much credence, but Kyuhyun said it again that night as they lay still in his bed amidst a wash of moonlight. Donghae had been reticent to return the declaration. What was love anyways, was it some heady feeling that made you all full of giddiness and made you act like a fool? Or was it some deep emotion that filled your very core and washed over you like a great tidal wave, overwhelming your very sense of self and forever tying you to another person? Donghae wasn’t sure, and he wasn’t sure that he wanted to know either, so he had kept that statement from leaving his lips, because he just wasn’t sure what it was.
Suddenly Donghae’s world slowed down to a pinpoint, it was if his every sense was hypersensitive and he was able to hear, see, smell, taste, and touch this very moment in time. It was then that Donghae knew that he was in love. In that moment of sheer emptiness, he suddenly felt his heart begin to fill. He realized that love was all of those things and none of them.
Love was heated nights and lazy mornings, love was the very essence of one’s being and yet, completely beyond that being. It was a complete dichotomy of contradictory terms. It was now, a smell, a touch, a gesture, a set of arms wrapped about him when he was at his very weakest. It was the lips that tasted his tears, the soft brown gaze that saw his soul, and it was the wisdom of words that softened all his defenses.
It was Kyuhyun.